Re-appointing Ourselves after Dis-appointment

Kerry Jehanne-Guadalupe

It has struck me as meaningful that the word disappoint can be broken down into dis-appoint. Embedded in the word itself is a distinctly human experience: when we feel disappointed in ourselves, we may unconsciously un-appoint ourselves from being in the driver’s seat of our own lives.

Self-disappointment is a common and often painful part of being human. It can show up as dissatisfaction, frustration, or a sense of letdown arising from our choices, actions, or perceived inaction. We may feel that we have fallen short of our ideals, aspirations, or internal standards—whether in our careers, relationships, personal goals, or moral commitments.

When self-disappointment takes hold, we often interpret it as failure. That failure may be real or imagined, but it is the experience of falling short that generates the weight of disappointment. Even when others let us down, the disappointment can turn inward. We may regret having trusted someone, made a particular choice, or allowed a situation into our lives, and that regret can quietly become self-directed.

Over time, disappointment can lead us to un-appoint ourselves in subtle but powerful ways. We may lose trust in our own judgment, begin to doubt our worth or capacity, or step back from making decisions altogether. To protect ourselves from further disappointment, we might adopt avoidance strategies or disengage from areas of life that once mattered to us. In some cases, disappointment hardens into a belief that things will never improve, making it feel futile to place our hands back on the steering wheel of our lives.

When we are living from this un-appointed place, our inner dialogue often becomes harsh and self-critical. The mind may fixate on mistakes and perceived shortcomings, eroding self-esteem and confidence while draining motivation and enthusiasm. If disappointment becomes pervasive, it can lead to withdrawal—physically, emotionally, mentally, or socially—interrupting our sense of purpose and direction.

At its deepest, dis-appointment can provoke existential questions: Why am I here? What does this experience mean? What defines success or failure? What am I meant to learn? While these questions may signal an existential crisis, they also have the potential to yield something more. When met with honesty and curiosity, they can open the door to profound self-inquiry and the possibility of re-appointing ourselves—this time with greater awareness, alignment, and integrity.

The Medicine of Dis-appointment

Though dis-appointment can be brutal, it can also be medicinal.

While self-disappointment may initially feel demotivating, it often carries the potential to catalyze growth. It invites reflection—an honest examination of our actions, choices, and inner alignment. Through this introspection, we may begin to learn from what did not work, so that when we place our hands back on the steering wheel of our lives, we do so with greater awareness and discernment.

Experiences of dis-appointment can signal moments when we have drifted out of alignment. In this way, disappointment functions as a kind of inner auto-correct—an emotion that alerts us to course deviation. By understanding where we veered off path, and why, we are given the opportunity to re-appoint ourselves, reclaiming the helm of our lives with new insight and wisdom.

When met consciously, dis-appointment can become fuel rather than an obstacle. The wisdom it offers may support realignment with purpose, the adjustment of approaches, or the choice of a new path altogether. What once felt like failure can reveal itself as a meaningful course correction.

Dis-appointment can also mark the crossing of a threshold—indicating that an old way of being is coming to a close and a new one is beginning to emerge. Allowing the discomfort to be felt, rather than avoided, gives the emotion space to do its corrective work before re-appointment occurs. In this sense, re-appointment becomes a renewed inner contract—one that reflects who a person is becoming rather than who they have been.

Like guilt, dis-appointment can function as a self-correcting emotion, pointing to beliefs or behaviors that require deconstruction and reconstruction. The key is not to linger in these emotions, but to listen to what they are revealing. When their message is fully received and integrated, the feelings naturally dissipate, having served their purpose.

Engaged with care and honesty, dis-appointment need not diminish us. Instead, it can become an ally in transformation—guiding the re-appointment of the next version of the self with greater clarity, integrity, and self-trust.

Appointing Ourselves

After enduring prolonged disappointment, it may slowly dawn on us that we were never entirely at the helm of our own journey. Patterns such as repeated relationship breakdowns, chronic dieting, persistent financial strain, or decades of feeling stuck can reveal an uncomfortable truth: we may not have fully appointed ourselves to lead our lives in the first place. In many cases, authority has been quietly outsourced. The opinions, expectations, or demands of others—parents, partners, peers, institutions, or cultural norms—may have more strongly shaped choices and behaviors than inner values or authentic desires.

Appointing others to lead our lives can erode autonomy and self-direction. We may feel as though we are living someone else’s agenda rather than our own path. Over time, this can result in a loss of authenticity and purpose, as true needs and aspirations are suppressed to meet external expectations. The discrepancy between what we want and imposed expectations can generate inner conflict, resentment, and a persistent sense of frustration or entrapment.

Paradoxically, these very feelings can become the medicine. Discomfort, dissatisfaction, and frustration may signal that we are no longer willing to live from a place of un-appointment. When met consciously, these emotions can be alchemized into clarity, helping cultivate autonomy, assertiveness, boundary-setting, and a renewed sense of authorship over one’s life.

Re-appointing ourselves often involves reclaiming inner authority—learning to trust inner wisdom, intuition, or spiritual guidance to interrupt long-standing patterns. This process may not happen all at once, but through deliberate choices that gradually return leadership to the self.

There are many ways to work with disappointment and reorient toward a more fulfilling, purposeful life. Approaches that often support this process include:

Radical self-reflection: Allowing disappointment to be fully felt without judgment, while exploring its roots—beliefs, expectations, and unmet needs.

Clarifying priorities: Reconnecting with what truly matters and aligning goals with inner values rather than external pressure.

Sustained daily practice: Engaging in rituals of reflection, patience, and consistency that reinforce self-trust and inner leadership over time.

Through these steps, disappointment becomes less a verdict and more an invitation—one that calls us back into the driver’s seat of our own becoming.

At its core, appointing ourselves is not an act of dominance or control, but an act of devotion—to the truth of who we are and the life asking to be lived through us. When leadership returns to the heart, decisions soften, clarity deepens, and the path forward begins to feel less forced and more guided. In this way, re-appointment becomes a homecoming—an ongoing conversation between essence and action, where life is no longer something we manage, but something we participate in with presence and care.